Peer Review 4/6/11 (Self)

1. The writer states what we will be looking at right away, but one thing the writer looked at was missing in the intro.  The first sentence does need to be shortened and cleaned up.
2. The thesis statement is "We will be looking at how my grandparents back in 1911 got their poultry, eggs, and meat compared to how I get them now in 2011.  Then we will look at how we can change the way we get our food today." The writer needs to put in there "goat milk," it's mentioned in the essay & it's not the same as meat, poultry, and eggs.
3. The writer starts to compare how her grandparents got eggs, chickens, goat milk, and meat in the first part of the essay.  Then she goes into how we can get fresh food today.  The writer needs to go into more detail about how different it is now in 2011 than 1911 the way livestock is farmed.  The conclusion is stated clearly - "We need to go back to and raise farm animals for food like they use to in 1911."
4. The first sentence needs to be cleaned up, it's too long.  The writer uses the word "they" too much, through out the essay, needs to clarify "who" they are talking about.  This is a formal essay.
5. The resources the writer mentioned are her grandparents, New York Animal & Control, and the book "Fast Food Nation" by Eric Schlosser.  The writer paraphrases the information but needs to make a list of refrences at the end of the essay.    
6. The writers main ideas in each paragraph are cllear and consise.